4 AM in the gym

So after 4 or 5 days of lagging motivation and a strong desire to EAT everything in sight I was feeling horrible- physically and emotionally.  You know when you just feel heavy?  It was like that but all day long.  Ugh.
Now compound that with the mental anguish of failing yet again, falling back to old habits when you thought those were in the past and you've got a recipe for depression.  At least for me that's what happens.  The cycle is familiar but so far I've been unable to stop it.
Since I now work late my workouts happen at 3 or 4 in the morning.  To say that I REALLY didn't want to go workout last night was an understatement.  I'd eaten 4 slices of pizza earlier, some cherries and 2 granola bars, 'cause why not, right?   Keep in mind that I've been close to sugar free since right before Easter.

The power of working out though is that it always makes you feel better when you're done so I went to our onsite gym.
Normally I go with a plan.  I know what I'm going to do- cardio, weight lifting, plyo etc.  Last night I got downstairs and just kind of wandered around like I was in an art gallery.
Did 15 sit ups just to do something.

And then I had this thought.  Stay with me because it's a little dark but I'll explain.  So you've heard that people can drown in just a few inches of water.  They panic and lose sense of direction even if they know how to swim.  The ability to calm down and assess your situation in a crisis could be the difference between success and failure.  Stand up or lift your head and suddenly you're free of the water.

I feel like I've been drowning with the stress and worry of needing to lose weight and get fit.  But then I remembered that I KNOW what to do.  I know how to stop the negative spiral.  I have the tools to make good choices. I can plan and prep. Stay calm and reassess. All I have to do is lift my head and stand up and I'll be free.


So, I lifted the shit out of some weight last night. I needed to feel strong and do the things that make me feel strong and powerful instead.   It was a random workout but it didn't matter at that point. I just needed to get something done, to move forward.   And, no surprise, it WORKED.  I feel better.  I'm not dwelling on the past few days.  I know what to do to stop myself from letting it go too far.   I'm sure there will be times when  I start to feel low and that's part of the reason for writing all this down.

I know this seems pretty obvious and even as I'm reading it back it seems ridiculously simple.
That's it.  Keep moving, don't let it get you down.   More to come!

And it's June...

I really hoped to be closer to my goal by now. Back in January the plan was to be at a certain weight- about 20 lbs less than where I am now.
Can't blame anything or anyone for it. It's a process and a learning experience.  It's hard not to get discouraged so I've been looking for words of encouragement, spending lots of time looking at Pinterest and youtube videos for motivation.
I signed up for the 6 Week Challenge on nerdfitness.com and then stumbled across this image.  Gotta love Ms Figure Olympia!