In the wee small hours of the morning...

Last March I took a job that required me to work overnights, as in 9.30 pm until 6 in the morning.  Besides getting used to a completely new schedule I had to figure out how to eat and workout.  Try eating at 3 am.  It's quite an adjustment!
Luckily, we have a gym on site at work and it's open all night.  Bonus is that it's almost always empty and I can listen to whatever music I want to!
I have to say that I was very worried about gaining weight.  Many people who work overnight rely on massive amounts of coffee and snacks to stay awake all night long and the vending machines are always a super convenient way to pack on the pounds.

Well, I started out doing a pretty good job but recently have had more and more trouble planning and preparing for a long night of work.  It doesn't take much to throw my schedule off balance and even on my days off I keep the same hours.  Being sick or having a day time training class and it all goes out the window.

Here's the plan so far:

3pm-3:30 -wake up and take meds

4pm  -  eat  “breakfast”   carb/protein/healthy fat OR  quick protein

7pm  -  meal 2  - most likely dinner with the family -  keep it a lighter portion and save ½ for eating later on

10pm – snack/small meal

12 am- workout

1 am-  post work out protein/snack

4 am  snack/small meal

6.30am-7am protein snack ( if needed) post workout

7.30am-8am bedtime!

4 of these meals should be eaten at work which means that I have to prep and take my food every day.  I wish it was easier and sometimes I really wish I had someone who would just make all this stuff for me but no one ever said it would be easy and in the grand scheme of things, if this is the most difficult thing I have to overcome, I'm doing pretty good!

WWDLBD?

I got the chance to meet Dana Linn Bailey at the Lakewood Civic. She is tiny and massive at the same time. Seriously, she has the biggest shoulders I've ever seen but it works.
It was exciting to see her up close. You can tell she works her butt off everyday to look like that.  And she seems genuinely sweet and enjoys her fans.  
I got a signed photo that's hanging in my cube at work.  Whenever I feel blah I look at her pic and say 'what would DLB do?'  That usually gets me going!

Imitation was rampant at the Lakewood show- lots of girls were rocking her haircut!

Read this

Salt Sugar Fat by Michael Moss

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2013/02/26/172969363/how-the-food-industry-manipulates-taste-buds-with-salt-sugar-fat

This book examines the history of the food industy and reveals current practices from some of the food giants-such as Kraft and Nestle and how they have engineered their products to be the perfect blend of salty, sweet and/or fat. 
The amount of money and research that goes into food engineering is just mind blowing and it makes them millions and millions of dollars a year.
Definitely eye-opening and worth the read. 

Particularly insidious is how some of the food companies actively tried to challenge and put out of business home ec teachers and departments. Enter the rise of Betty Crocker as the perfect blend of modern convenience and happy homemaker, specifically marketed to get consumers out of the kitchen and away from making things from scratch.

After all the research though, the conclusion of the book comes down to 1 thing- personal choice.  Be armed with the knowledge of what's on the shelves at the grocery store then make the right choice about what you put into your body.

Click

I've been working with a wellness coach once a week to help me sort out all the stuff that I can't seem to get a handle on in regards to weight loss and working out, planning and prep, goal setting etc.

Honestly, about 1/2 the time I feel like it's pointless because I am NOT following my weekly steps needed to meet my goal in 3 months.
The other 1/2 of the time I feel encouraged to work.

It's because I'm a Pisces, right?  Two fish swimming in opposite directions, or in a circle depending on how you look at it.  No?  That's not it?  Darn.  That would have been too easy...

I've been waiting for the 'click' to happen.  For everything to fall into place and magically just work!
It's happened to me twice that I can recall and I desperately want to get back to that again.  The problem is, the last time was in 2009 before I went to Paris and that's not something I can recreate every day!
I was the poster child for clean eating, working out and feeling energized ('nirvana' I call it).  Every day was just momentum into the next perfect day.  I wasn't starving or deprived and I didn't WANT to cheat.

And now it's 2013, the END of 2013 and I still can't capture that feeling.  Waiting for it to fall into place and click doesn't work. Duh!  I wish I had that perfect motivation again but in the meantime I just have to keep at it.   Do not underestimate the power of a positive attitude! 

You can have RESULTS or EXCUSES but you can't have BOTH!

Excuses:   my horoscope sign :)     being lazy,  not packing gym clothes, not prepping lunch, not shopping, eating crap because I didn't prep or plan,  my overnight schedule

Results:  lifting HEAVY ass shit in the gym, wearing better clothes, FEELING better, gaining some traction that will help propel me into more/better/bigger results,  to be the 2014 success story!

As if!

Not unlike people who use WebMD to self diagnose cancer and other diseases, I use episodes of The Biggest Loser, Extreme Makeover Diet edition, and Hoarders for therapy.

My latest find is to behave 'as if'.  As if I'm already in shape and healthy.  As if I'm over my sugar addiction and into serious weight training.   It's the fake it until you make it concept and I think it can work but I've never applied it to weight loss.

Commitment-  make choices based on what my future self needs, as if I'm already there!

4 AM in the gym

So after 4 or 5 days of lagging motivation and a strong desire to EAT everything in sight I was feeling horrible- physically and emotionally.  You know when you just feel heavy?  It was like that but all day long.  Ugh.
Now compound that with the mental anguish of failing yet again, falling back to old habits when you thought those were in the past and you've got a recipe for depression.  At least for me that's what happens.  The cycle is familiar but so far I've been unable to stop it.
Since I now work late my workouts happen at 3 or 4 in the morning.  To say that I REALLY didn't want to go workout last night was an understatement.  I'd eaten 4 slices of pizza earlier, some cherries and 2 granola bars, 'cause why not, right?   Keep in mind that I've been close to sugar free since right before Easter.

The power of working out though is that it always makes you feel better when you're done so I went to our onsite gym.
Normally I go with a plan.  I know what I'm going to do- cardio, weight lifting, plyo etc.  Last night I got downstairs and just kind of wandered around like I was in an art gallery.
Did 15 sit ups just to do something.

And then I had this thought.  Stay with me because it's a little dark but I'll explain.  So you've heard that people can drown in just a few inches of water.  They panic and lose sense of direction even if they know how to swim.  The ability to calm down and assess your situation in a crisis could be the difference between success and failure.  Stand up or lift your head and suddenly you're free of the water.

I feel like I've been drowning with the stress and worry of needing to lose weight and get fit.  But then I remembered that I KNOW what to do.  I know how to stop the negative spiral.  I have the tools to make good choices. I can plan and prep. Stay calm and reassess. All I have to do is lift my head and stand up and I'll be free.


So, I lifted the shit out of some weight last night. I needed to feel strong and do the things that make me feel strong and powerful instead.   It was a random workout but it didn't matter at that point. I just needed to get something done, to move forward.   And, no surprise, it WORKED.  I feel better.  I'm not dwelling on the past few days.  I know what to do to stop myself from letting it go too far.   I'm sure there will be times when  I start to feel low and that's part of the reason for writing all this down.

I know this seems pretty obvious and even as I'm reading it back it seems ridiculously simple.
That's it.  Keep moving, don't let it get you down.   More to come!

And it's June...

I really hoped to be closer to my goal by now. Back in January the plan was to be at a certain weight- about 20 lbs less than where I am now.
Can't blame anything or anyone for it. It's a process and a learning experience.  It's hard not to get discouraged so I've been looking for words of encouragement, spending lots of time looking at Pinterest and youtube videos for motivation.
I signed up for the 6 Week Challenge on nerdfitness.com and then stumbled across this image.  Gotta love Ms Figure Olympia!